Current mood:	chocopated
Current music:	Noseflute Symphonies by Fari Harem

Drawing shapes on backs.
My wife and i drew shapes on each other's backs in bed last night.

It was something i suggested, and i posed it as a sort of a guessing game, when really i just wanted her to rub my back. Sometimes that'll fly, and sometimes it won't. By introducing formalized rules to the backrubbing, i gave it purpose, and thus made it more of an appealing, productive exercise than just frivolous touching. And my wife fell for it.

The first thing she drew on my back was very easy to guess. It went like this:

"It's a flower!" i said. And i was right. We weren't keeping track of points, but if we were, that would have been one for me, and i'd have been winning. But really, i had tricked my wife into rubbing my back, so i was already winning. She didn't suspect a thing.



The second thing she drew on my back was difficult. It went like this:



i thought that it was a very stylized giraffe, and i was kind of impressed that my wife had cooked up such an interesting interpretation. But i was wrong. It was, in fact, a banana.



Truth be told, i did not think that my wife would draw such a bendy-legged giraffe, unless she had meant to draw a very nervous giraffe, perhaps one that was due to give a speech in front of a lot of other giraffes ... but of course, that's a very difficult thing to guess when someone is drawing shapes on your back. Best to keep things simple.

By this point, my wife was running out of ideas. The very next thing she drew went like this in my mind:



i remember that the bottom part confused me. i thought it was our baby, due to be born in the next couple of weeks, but i was worried because her legs felt all wiggly. It was worse than the giraffe. i thought that maybe my wife was depicting our baby with polio, but again, that's a very difficult thing for someone to guess when you're drawing shapes on his back. At any rate, i guessed "Baby?"

"No - it's not our baby," she said. i was kind of relieved.

She rubbed my back with the flat of her hand, which meant she was erasing or starting over. Then she said she was drawing a close-up of the bottom part, the part that had confused me. It was like this:



Ah! It was all clear. "Kermit the frog!" i said. It was a cartoon frog, she said - not necessarily Kermit. i feel it necessary to point out that Kermit the Frog is not a cartoon, but a Muppet, so my guess was technically wrong. But as i mentioned, i was already winning.



By now, i felt that my wife was beginning to get tired of my game, and i really wanted to keep it up. But it had taken her a solid three minutes to cook up her frog idea, and i could tell she was drifting off. So i suggested she roll her big pregnant body over and let me draw shapes on her back.

Now i know i'm not a terrible artist, so it must mean that my wife was either borderline comatose, or a very very bad guesser. This is what i drew:



i thought that the square heel part was a dead giveaway, but she didn't know what i was up to. Nervous, i rubbed the image away with my hand and drew something different in the same series:



By now, i thought that i was just handing her the point. i mean, there was no mistaking that bow. But still, she couldn't guess it. Nearly at a loss, i tried another object in the series:



This one was vague enough on its own, but putting the three of them together should have painted a crystal-clear picture, or so i thought. But she had no idea. In a last-ditch effort, i drew an alternate third picture:



Nope. She had no idea. i had failed. "It's footwear," i said. "A pump, a sneaker, and a boot - both laced and unlaced." "OH," she said. She must've been half asleep, but i felt a little paranoid because i had done alright with her shapes. i needed to find out if it was her or me.

Here's what i drew next:



"A broom?" Not a bad guess! But close enough that i thought i could draw a few more things, again in the same series, and she'd figure it all out in no time.



i forget what she guessed this time ... maybe a shovel, or a noose. Fair guesses, but i thought that putting them together with the first shape made it all clear. Not so. So i drew again:



Obvious!! There was no screwing this one up. i thought. But my wife, through mumbled sleepy words, couldn't figure it out. i was devastated.

"It's cutlery!! A fork, a knife, and a spoon!" i drew the knife again, just to prove my point:



No good. By this point, my wife was also starting to feel kind of bad. That's not a good thing, because drawing shapes on backs is supposed to be a very pleasant experience, and guessing things right just adds to it. i felt that i was denying my wife the ability to guess things right, and therefore robbing her of one entire half of the pleasant experience. i was determined that she guess the next drawing.

i pulled out all the stops for my final shape. Thinking back to her choices, specifically the flower and the cartoon frog, i decided to choose something alive and flower or nature-related to hopefully jog something in her brain that would conjure a correct guess. She was rapidly drifting off, so i knew i only had a few shots at it.

"Ok," i said, "Maybe you're getting confused? This here is the top of my drawing." i drew a line with my finger across her right side. "And this" (another line) "is the bottom. Maybe that'll help?" She was lying on her left side, and her back was hard to get to because of pillows and blankets. That's why i clearly outlined the territory and shape-drawing boundaries before i began. People don't enjoy playing games, especially shape-drawing games, when they don't know the rules.

With these ground rules firmly in place, i began to draw:



With bated breath, i awaited her guess.

"Um .... "


"Um ... i don't .... i don't know."

What?? It was impossible. How could she not know?? Anxious, i erased the drawing and told her i was making a more simplified version:



"Um .... i .... i can't figure it out. i'm sorry. Can i go to sleep now?"

"No!! You have to guess one of my shapes!" It wasn't exactly fair, but i really wanted her to get one. My shape-drawing reputation was at stake. i needed to feel vindicated. It was ... such an empty feeling, not having your shapes guessed.

"Let me do the close-up version again!"

And so i did:



"Do you know what it is?"

"... um ... "

" ... come on .... think ... "

" ... it's ... Is it something alive?"

"Yes! Yes, it is! You know what it is!! Now tell me!"

"Um ... Can you maybe ... can you ... "

"What - you want the simplified version again?"

"Um ... yeah."

There i went:



"Uh ... Can you uh ... Which side is the top again?"

i felt like i was watching a Jeopardy contestant in the Special Olympics.

"This side." i drew the boundaries again.

"Oh! Ok. That's where i'm getting confused. Can you rotate it so that my neck is at the top?"

"Sure!"



"Um ... "

This was it.

"It's a .... "

She was about to guess.

"What you call one of those ..."

She had it ... she had it ...

"A kangaroo?"



A kangaroo. Four wings and two antennae make a kangaroo. Clearly.

i was finished drawing shapes on backs. Game over. Sure, loving touches are nice and all, but a kangaroo??" Was it me? i felt somehow inadequate, like i had failed to live up to some masculine ideal touted by cologne companies and Ford truck ads. Built tought. Suave and sophisticated. Draws good shapes on backs.

We fell asleep, and i vowed that the next time we drew shapes on backs, things would be different. i might practice on the cats. But truthfully, they can't guess anything that's not tuna, liver or chicken. And even then it takes them three tries.

Anyway, did i ever mention how awesome marriage is? ;)